so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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