So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
