Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
