I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
