i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
