Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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