I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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