he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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