only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
