He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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