his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
