I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
