I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
