i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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