my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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