I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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