Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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