Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
