What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
