god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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