I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
