so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
