But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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