Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
