There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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