I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
