i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
