I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
