I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
