My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
