2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
