You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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