Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
