We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We got so high we made milksteak
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
