dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
