Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
People in love make me want to vomit
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
