Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
