if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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