I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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