A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
