when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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