I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i came on her dog
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
