Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
