sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
