I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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