forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
