I'm going to jail i love you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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