you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
