rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
