I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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