her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
