were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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