bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
